The Milkman Did It
by AsparagusTheFirst
Summary: Vir and Zack have lunch and discussion.


Author: Asparagus I

Disclaimer: I don't own Babylon 5 or the original characters, I just write. No money or profit is gained from this venture.

The Milkman Did It

            "Tell me again, about Captain Lochley," Vir implored Zack Allen as they ate lunch together at a Zocalo café called Zest.

            "I told you…pregnant." Zack said, grinning widely. He remembered the meeting that morning when she stood in front of the senior crew, six months pregnant and wildly showing, and admitting that she was pregnant. She intended to work until just a week prior to her baby's birth, she had told them. It seemed that EarthForce was aware of her condition and was going to keep her in command for the moment.

            "…And the father is?" Vir prompted his friend. He had lived among Humans for a long time now, since before Londo was emperor and he never understood them completely. How they could become alcoholics, for example. Centauri could get drunk, loved to drink, but weren't addicts. It was their culture, their way of life, but not a private disease that controlled them.

            "That's just it, she wouldn't say." Zack told Vir once more. This was the third telling of the story. Zack could've written a script for it by now. Still, he found the whole thing amusing.

            "But, you, you pulled her aside after the briefing," Vir reminded him, moving the story along.

            "Oh, yeah, I pressed her for an answer as to the sire. All she said was 'the milkman' and stalked off." Zack revealed.

            "So, she, but…the milk man? What is a milk man again?" Vir inquired. He hadn't picked over that part of Zack's story too much. He thought he could figure that one out on his own.

            "Well, you see, it used to be a sort of a joke on Earth. Care for a little lesson?" Zack offered.

            "Please, I can never learn enough about Humans, especially humor." Vir said, nodding his appreciation.

            "Okay. A couple of hundred years ago, the way married couples worked was that the man goes out to work all day and the wife stays home. Back then, mail was delivered to your door, and so was the milk…white stuff, comes from cows…and the delivery person was a man. 

            "The idea is that, since her husband was away at work and couldn't check on her, she could have an affair with the milkman and no one would know. Unless she came up pregnant and the baby did not look like the husband.

            "So, in a nutshell, that's it."

            "Well, couldn't they just run some lab tests?" Vir asked. He remembered cows belonging to earth and now he could connect the milk to them. This might be useful in the future. 

            "This was before all that. A good fifty years or more. But now, to relate that to the Captain…she is just saying that she won't say who it is."

            "She's not married. Why would she blame the milkman? Babylon Five has no milkman, right?" Vir queried.

            "Exactly. We do have mail. Same idea…maybe it WAS the mailman. I think I'm going to ask Old Vic later."

            "Really?"  
            "Just to be on the safe side," Zack kidded and then he broke into a grin at the thought. He felt like he could fall off his chair laughing at any second.

            Vir smiled too and then pointed an accusatory finger at the Security Chief, "You, you, you're joking…I can tell!"

            Zack nodded his guilt. "Yes, I'm not going to bother trying to find out. Although…"

            "Yes? What?"

            "T'alon said he saw her with a guy…but it's an unconfirmed rumor."

            "She did? Do you know who?" Vir asked nosily.

            "No, actually. Some guy from the dock, the way it sounded to me. I guess we'll know in a few more months." Zack said. "You know, as bulky as EarthForce uniforms can be sometimes, I never figured someone could get to six months pregnant in one."

            "Will she have to retire to take care of the baby?" Vir probed.

            "I don't know. This hasn't really happened before. It's definitely not good." Zack said as he mulled over the thought of a third commander coming onto B5 since Sheridan.

            "Have you notified President Sheridan and Delenn of this?" Vir had to wonder.

            "Oh, yeah. Right after the meeting. Criminals are behaving so far today, just minimal stuff, so I had a chance to call. The President was amused. Delenn sent her congratulations and was making a face at her husband as if he was in trouble." Zack revealed.

            "Their son, David, is how old now?"

            "He's, ah, he's two. Yeah, looks a lot like his father. Delenn's eyes though. There's something about that boy's eyes…like they're old." Zack sat a moment and contemplated that. He had said hello to the tyke and received a formal hello back, along with the Adronato translation. It had been impressive, coming from a two-year-old. He realized his mind had wandered off topic and sipped his drink.

            "What does everyone else think about the Captain's pregnancy?"

            "Hell, I don't know. I think some of the junior officers are going to surprise her with a baby shower. Other than that, we're flying by the seats of our pants again." 

            "You mean…as usual?"

            The security chief laughed, "Yeah. Shhh!"

            Zack saw the subject of discussion entering the café. Captain Lochley was out of uniform and wearing an oversized sweatshirt, loose fitting pants, and a pair of untied sneakers, with the laces barely threaded so that they didn't touch the ground. She headed toward Vir and Zack with the waiter who was seating her, but stopped short when she recognized them.

            "So, what are you two discussing?" Lochley asked. Vir panicked and looked open mouthed at Zack for help.

            "Career options," Zack said without a moment's hesitation.

            "As in mine?" Lochley probed.

            "Oh, no, ours," Zack assured her, Vir playing along with a nod of the head.

            "And what options would those be?" Lochley wanted to know.

            Here, Zack sputtered, and Vir filled in, "Milkmen."

            Lochley's eyes were daggers as she glared at Zack and then continued to her table.

            "Thanks. Thanks a lot. Now I just _might_ have to change careers." Zack tried to be irritated with Vir for spilling the beans, but the whole conversation was cracking him up and he laughed. Vir in turned laughed. And this made Captain Lochley glare all the more from across the room.

The End


End file.
